Yesterday I got a tweet from my D-friend, Lorraine, who lives far, far away and yet instantly near through the auspices of Twitter.

“Where are you? Everything ok?”

Good question.  It made me realize that I haven’t been present on Twitter for quite some time now. I’ve missed the last two, or maybe even *gasp* three, DSMA conferences – a weekly event that has approached the level of sacred around here. I’ve stopped reading D-blogs. Stopped clicking on links. Just kind of . . . stopped.

I’m still taking care of Ainsley. I still work hard. But I think I’ve just been kind of tuning out of diabetes.

It came full circle when we had our tri-annual endocrinology visit this morning with a new-to-us member of the team, Dr. L. Dr. L is a little more hands-on than our usual endocrinologist who takes the attitude of whatever-you’re-doing-is-working-I’m-just-going-to-leave-you-to-it. Dr. L says he wants to earn his keep as an endocrinologist and so he really dug into the data and tried to help with improvements. He noticed our recent trend of high blood sugars.  I became defensive and said, “You know, every time I get things just right, she changes again and I’m always running to keep up. There’s been a lot of upheaval lately. I’m working really hard but I just can’t ever keep up.”

Dr. L  smiled a gently knowing smile. “You’ve been diagnosed for how long now? A year?”  A year next month, as a matter of fact.

“You’re in the grind of it now. In the beginning, it’s all learning and motivation and hard work. And from here on out, it’s trying to STAY motivated to work that hard. There will always be upheaval and the BGs will never be very predictable. You’ll always be running to keep up. Now the hard work comes in trying to stay motivated.”

You’d think that would be depressing and, in a way, it kind of was. But having someone say it to me just like that, just like it is and always will be . . . I felt as though I’d been holding my breath and suddenly let it out. And breathed in again. I guess I’ve got my second wind. Let’s do this.